The Rules of Touring

This started as a joke list of stuff that happens on tour that I don’t understand people not understanding, but it got a bit serious and I think there’s something to it. Have I always lived by these? Absolutely not. Do I think I should? Yes, definitely.

I’d love to add more if you’ve got any suggestions.

If we’ve toured together and you think i’m thinking of you with any of these, I probably am. Love you x.

• Be patient.
• No solids in the tour bus toilet.
• Sleep with your feet to the front.
• Remember everyone else is exhausted too.
• Double count everything.
• Own your fuck ups.
• Bags don’t live on seats.
• Quiet on the bus if the driver’s asleep.
• Clean up after yourself.
• Eat fruit or take vitamins.
• Reseal the bread / meat / cheese when you’re done.
• Keep fire exits clear, especially on the bus.
• Make sure someone on the tour knows first aid.
• No alcohol until there’s nothing else you need to be responsible for.
• If you’re late to lobby call, don’t expect anyone else to be on time.
• Act in the best interests of management unless it’s not also in the best interests of the artist, but…
• …never agree to something usafe, especially if you’re being asked to do it in the interest of the budget.
• Be quiet when you park up at night…
• … and park with the back doors to a wall if you can.
• The driver controls the stereo.
• Shower daily.
• Don’t act like you’re doing anyone a favour by taking a tour with a lower fee than you usually would. You took the fee, do the job and be quiet about it.
• You’re a representative of the artist on the road and should behave like it.
• You’re not a representative of the artist on social media* and should behave like it.

*unless you are, obviously.